Saturday, June 26, 2010

Mi Dispiace. Io Non Sono Perfetto.

I wish i knew how to start this one off.
I"m not even sure what to say.
I"m so angry i could cry.
Maybe not cry but i sure do think it's time for me and Cache to go and sit on a roof and scream until we pass out.

Let me get a few thing straight here. Yeah, i liked a guy a lot. It didn't work out. I'm working on getting over it. I started liking this guy Andrew again. So for the past two months or so, we have been talking a lot. I told him one day about how I want to get married in the temple and he isn't LDS so i explained to him what that meant. All of a sudden he got really mad because i said i wanted to marry someone LDS so i could go to the temple. So after that stupid fight i told him to just leave me alone. Well, he didn't. He would call and apologize, and then a few days later he would blow up on me again about the whole temple thing. So finally i just said i was done and didn't want to deal with this any more. So i deleted his number and stopped caring. But he kept texting me things that really hurt me. It was already bad enough that i was almost over someone else but now this. What a jerk!

So for the past month and a half i've been trying to avoid him and fix things up and be friends with the other boy Dallin that i had to get over. But i found out today that he thinks all my posts on facebook have been about him. Awesome. So i'm here to say this now. No they were not about you. I don't talk bad about you so i guess it's true what they say about assuming. Andrew...goll. Go take a flying leap. I'm sorry i care about my religion enough that i have standards. Perché regna lo stupido?! Doesn't help that people have to get involved too. Don't get me wrong i love my friends. But please ask me before you butt in. I have had to deal with so much crap because Andrew's friends have decided to text me and make fun of me and make me feel terrible. Awesome. And I actually haven't told anyone about the Andrew situation because i knew people would get involved. So i'm saying this now. Do not get involved. It'll get fixed all on its own. I'm done being frustrated with these two people because apparently i cannot please everyone.

I'm going to girls camp on Monday. I wasn't excited about it at all but now i cannot wait to get away. Holy flip. So i'm sorry if you think i'm a terrible person. Or a crazy person. Or just some stupid girl who needs to get a brain. Yeah, no ones perfect so stop acting so high and mighty and making me feel bad for believing in something. I know what i want in life. So i'm going to work for it. Who cares what i feel for people any more. I'm ignoring it. If everyone could just be civil to each other that would be great. I"m trying to mend and keep the peace. But heck, i guess i'm just not good enough for you guys. So say your crap to my face. Don't go behind my back. And cut me some slack. This hasn't been the easiest couple of months for me. My friends have died. I'm struggling with seizures. I'd like to see you deal with that.And Im growing up and moving on in my life and im scared. So pardon me.

So here it is people. Mi dispiace. Io non sono perfetto. I'm sorry. I'm not perfect. Deal with it. Because im sure as heck trying to.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Ole Ole Ole Ole! Yeeeeah Buddy!

Guess what? THE WORLD CUP HAS STARTED! So i would like to take a moment and tell you about my love for futbol. Actually, I don't think words can describe my love for this game. So just imagine me screaming right now (AHHHHHHHHH!) Every time I think about soccer, or play soccer, or watch a game i feel like i want to explode with happiness. Especially when i'm watching Real Salt Lake games and Kyle Beckerman is on the field. Holy that man is a soccer god. And he's gorgeous. But soccer is just in my blood. So are a lot of other sports, but soccer just excites me. The reason i have such a hard time with my knees is cuz of my over playing of soccer in jr high. And i refused to quit playing when the doctors told me to. Therefore i have really bad knees that constantly hurt me. I can't even count the number of concussions i have gotten from soccer. I wish i was as good as i once was, but still, i love to just play. I miss being on a team. But playing the in park with friends with suffice. Goll, I don't even know what to say about soccer cuz i just want to scream and laugh and explode just thinking about it! The Worls Cup is amazing to watch. I have been waking up and 5:30 am just to watch the morning games. And can i just say that the US was soooo lucky they got a goal on England. I can't believe England's keeper let that ball bounce right off his hands and literally roll into the goal. I laughed so hard i almost cried.

Anyway, Enough of my obsession. I'd now like to speak on the topic of stupid people. Yes, i realize everyone has their stupid moments, but some people just make me wonder. I know i sure act like a stupid idiot at times but I do try to tone it down and apologize for it. These stupid people are people that i know very well. I even really like a lot of them. But they do stupid things that make me want to punch a wall. Sometimes they say things one day and then turn around and say something totally different. Yeah...not cool with me. This is why i save a lot of conversations with people so i can be sure that they did things. Or there are people who just act totally oblivious to all my feelings and people's feelings around them. They pretend like everything is copacetic (yay my favorite word!) but in reality people around them are hurting and need their help but they are so consumed in their own little perfect world that they can't see anything. I think one of the main reasons we are on this earth is to help other people and make them realize how awesome they are. When you ignore people and bring them down, how are you helping any one?

Finally, I would like to say how awesome Temple Square is. Kortney and I are trying to go there once a week. Now that it's summer, it's soooo pretty. The temple just makes me so happy and giddy and makes everything that's bringing me down go away. All the flowers are gorgeous. The people there are always smiling and saying hello to you. But just sitting by the reflection pool and looking at the temple is what takes up most of my time. If i could, i would sit there all day. I've never been the kind of person to look forward and dream about getting married. For the past couple of years, i actually have been doubting that i would ever get married. I didn't see me being a girl who would find someone to get married to. But when i look at the temple i now feel like maybe one day i really will get married. When i look at the temple i can't wait to go inside and get married to the person who will love me for me for all of eternity. How freaking awesome is that? Kortney and I spent a good six hours on monday just walking around temple square and taking pictures and talking. Everything just seemed okay when i was there. The whole time all i could think was "I love to see the temple. I'm going there some day." And yes, I do now think that someday i will go inside and get married. Obviously that wont be for quite a few years considering i'm only 17... but it's something to always look forward to. I dream about the temple a lot lately. At least when I wake up i'm feeling copacetic :)

Welp, enough of my boring pointless rambling... here are some cool pictures i've taken recently!

Reflection Pool Madness


Super cool bookmark.

Friday, June 11, 2010


Right now, things seem like they need to start going in a better direction but they refuse to. I want life to feel totally copacetic. (That's my favorite work by the way) So if anyone can help me get to the point where i feel totally copacetic, that would be great. Honestly, there is only one person that can get me to that point completely, but i can get most of the way there without them. But in the mean time, here are some quotes, sayings, jokes, or words that make me happy, smile, or giggle.

- Game, set, match = TENNIS
Set, match, run = ARSON
*Demetri Martin*

- L.A.R.P stands for Live Action Role Playing. It also means not good at sports.

- Nakatinra
*Matt Lusty*

- Just watching the world, I don't understand. It just makes more sense with my hand in your hand.

- You don't have to win anybodies heart. You just have to ask for it.

- Some feelings in this world are more than words. They're a moment to look forward to.
*Connor Giles*

- I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

- Life is sexually transmitted

- You're a jerk. But a jerk is a pull. A pull is a tug. A tug is a boat. A boat floats on water. Water is nature. And nature is beautiful. (I think this one was an indirect compliment to me, but im still not sure how i should take it or if i should take it seriously haha)

- What do you get when you cross a potato with Hitler?
A Dick-tater.
*Dallin Gomez*

- Love is a leap. Lamentably, I was never inspired to jump.
*Kate & Leopold*

- Even in the darkness can every color be found.
*Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog*

- Dare to be remarkable.

- There is more to life than increasing it's speed.

- Music impresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.
*Victor Hugo*

- If you love something, then set it free. If it comes back, then it's meant to be. If it continues to fly, let it soar. Have faith that God has something better in store.

- Dinomania = the sudden urge to dance

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Remember when...2010

I am now graduated. What the heck?! When did I get so old? I still feel like such a little kid. I remember looking at all the seniors when i was younger thinking "Wow, I can't wait to be like them. They are so freaking cool!" But I look at myself now and don't see myself like the kids I used to look up to. And I'm kinda scared now that I don't have school in my life. What am I going to do with my life? And how am I going to do it? I finally have to grow up...but what if I don't want to?

Graduation was long and boring. No one even pulled a prank to keep us entertained. Come on people!! That dumb hat wouldn't stay on my head. Who ever decided that putting a plate on the top of your head was a good idea, is a moron. Walking up and getting my name called was interesting. There's usually three kinds of people at graduation. There are the kids who when their name gets called you hear a few claps and woo hoos, mostly from parents. Then there is the kids who when their name is called you get a little louder with the claps and a few kids yell their name out. Then there are the kids, who when their names are called, everyone claps and cheers and people scream their names. When they called my name, there were a lot of people who screamed and clapped for me and it was a lot louder than I expected. The one voice that i heard the most was of course Shaun's. I'm standing on the big green X and i hear "WOOOOO KYLEE KATE!!! GO KYLEE KATE!!! I LOVE YOU KYLEE!!" Right away i knew it was Shaun cuz, honestly, no one else is capable of being that loud. Every one laughed and i turned my usual bright red and i gave an awkward wave and walked across the stage to shake the peoples hands. As i was walking down the ramp to go back to my seat, there was Shaun. Sitting right in the front row. I shook my head at him and he yelled "WHAT UP KYLEE KATE! WHAT UP GIRL!! YEAAAAAAH!" everyone laughed and i turned even more bright red. Leave it up to Shaun. We've been friends since atleast 5th grade and he's always thought doing that to me was funny. Cuz let's face it, I'm not one who likes a ton of attention. Thank you Shaun. I know there is a reason you're my best friend...sometimes i just can't remember why haha :)

The school had the big senior graduation party that night. Started at 10:30 pm and went until 5:30 am. The party was a lot better than i thought it would be. I found out i suck at sumo suit 'swrestling. As soon as Lexie hit me with her stomach, i would just fall straight back like a retarded tree. The bungee racing was hilarious and i got some sweet rug burns from it. Soooooo much food and so little room to put it. I think that hands down, the best part of the night was the hypnotist. He had about 40 or so people in front of us. The funniest people to watch were Wyatt, Tyler and Ryan. This show went on for a really long time and no one wanted it to end. At one point, the hypnotist (Tracy) had Ryan convinced that he wanted to change his name to Shaniqua. He then had him call his mom at 4:00 am and tell her that he was changing her name. Every time he said 'Shaniqua' Ryan would give him a big smile and a thumbs up. When Ryan talked, he didn't sound at all like himself. But the best part of the night was when He had Wyatt and Ryan dance together. I don't know if i have laughed that hard before. Then they finally made him end the show so they could do the raffle. Boring. But I did win a $25 card to american eagle.!/video/video.php?v=10150183793280015&ref=mf
That's the video of them dancing. So ridiculous!

It's now summer and I wish some things were different. I wish i had a job. I wish Dallin and I would start talking more. Or atleast see each other more than once every two months... And i wish i had done more in high school. But i'm still mostly happy. Just bored and only kinda sad. But it will hopefully get better, right?
No more softball this summer. So all my days are pretty much free. I don't know what i'm going to do with myself. I thought i would be playing softball, but now i wont be. I also thought i would be hanging out with Dallin a lot. But i dont see that happening much. Maybe i just need to get a job and work all the time to keep things off my mind. Plus i will have money. I guess that is always a bonus.