Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dreaming of an Angel

A little while ago i ended up crushing on a guy. He's the one who asked me to Junior Prom. He was awesome and just an all around fun guy. He later turned out to be kind of a big jerk. We would hang out and talk and just have fun. But then he stopped talking to me and i couldn't figure out why. I kept having these dreams about him that were driving me crazy, so i wrote this about them to see if writing it down would get it off my mind.

"Dreaming of an Angel"

It's hard enough not knowing
What he thinks and how he feels
My heart beats faster than i can think
Could this dream of mine be real?
He starts out with that smile
Oh how that smile just makes me weak
As he sits down next to me
I lose the ability to speak
He's the answer to my prayers
So i quickly say "amen"
I can't sit here in silence
And watch him pass by again
His smile, so bright
His eyes, so deep
One glimpse of them
Makes me heart leap
Not sure if i should do this
Will he catch me if i fall?
Should i put my heart out on my sleeves
And simply risk it all?
But i already feel myself falling
I speed up i can't slow down
I stare into his deep green eyes
And i feel my head spin 'round
Now he leans in closer
And then so do i
For a brief and glorious moment
His perfect lips touch mine
My eyes can see the sparks
And then my heart takes wings
Everything in life seems calm
I love this joy he brings
But then i wake up with a start
Not filled with his joy
But with a broken heart
It was all a dream
Now i just long for him more
Will i ever get this angel
That i can't help but adore?

Friday, September 4, 2009

Class of 2010: Bringing Sexy Back Again

WOOT! I'm finally a senior. This just feel so weird. I remember my first day of school as a sophomore. I was terrified. I transferred from Tville so i knew absolutely no one. Then i saw Shaun in the hallway and realized he had changed to Murray also. If he hadn't come here, everything would have turned out different. But even though I'm in the senior class and i actually have some friends now, i still feel like that scared little sophomore. I still feel awkward and out of place at times. I don't talk a lot in any of my classes unless i know people in there very well. That's one of my biggest problems is I'm still unbelievably shy and it's killing me. I can't talk to some people that i really wish i could talk to. For my weight lifting class there is this new guy who i think he is really cute. Or maybe i just think he's cute cuz every one else in that class isn't...normal. But any way, i told my friends that i thought this new senior guy was really cute and my friend Kortney actaully knew a few things about him. But all i know is his name is Conor and he is from Kentucky. Oh and he plays hockey. I've been trying to get up the courage to talk to him. Just a simple "hey" would suffice, but then my self esteem and nerves just hold me back. Today in weight lifting he sat down on the front row of the bleachers and i sat about two feet away from him. Now, any normal person would have said "hey whats up? I'm Kylee." But i just suck. So i sat there for a half an hour and said nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing. I went to lunch after and just about cried cuz i was so frustrated. Not only because i think he is cute. He's just a guy so it's no big deal, but the fact that I'm holding my self back cuz I'm scared to do things really pisses me off. I don't want to be so scared of taking chances all the time. When i was younger i was so outgoing and could talk to any one any where. Now i feel like i should just keep to my self because I'm too scared to take risks. Half the guys i have ever liked, i have chickened out at one point when i want to talk to them. My sister has biology with my friend Adam and she told me they were talking about me the other day. She said Adam told her that "Yeah, Kylee is way pretty and guys like her, but she just sucks at flirting." When she told me this I laughed so hard. Mostly because he was dead on. ahhhh i just want to scream and punch a wall. this is ridiculous.

I have some pretty awesome classes this year though. This year is going to be pretty easy so I'm excited to just relax. On A days i have -Early morning jazz band. Spartan Vision. Government. Seminary. and Ap Music Theory. On B days i have -Early morning jazz band. Adult Roles. Weight Lifting. Concert Band. SLCC CIS 1020. Spartan Vision is turning out to be my favorite class but i kinda knew that it would. All we do is make videos turn them in and do the news. And the people in there are hilarious. But most of my other classes i just don't have any one to talk to. Like weight lifting. I could talk to that Conor guy but the fact that I'm a total pansy is kinda getting in the way. And he doesn't really talk much either. Welp i guess I'm screwed haha. I miss every one over at Tville but i do love Murray.

Homecoming... is in two weeks. Ugg. I hate waiting to see if I'll ever get asked. I've only been asked to one dance and that was Jr. Prom last year. And the dude didn't even go to my school, he went to Tville! And he turned into a total jerk two weeks after prom any way. Pretty much just don't let other schools SBO's hit on you in seminary and ask you to prom. It doesn't work out too well especially if he is a jerk and makes out with people on buses... but getting asked to Homecoming would rock since i have never been. but not getting asked isn't the end of the world. I can just hang out with the other people who didn't go.

Summer was fun this year though. Had some great times. Broke my face when i got hit with a softball. Then two weeks later i was running through Brett's house and her brother had closed the glass door and yeah... i ran right into that sucker. Bounced off it pretty well too since i was booking it into her house. Cameron and Andrew just about died laughing of course. Can you say re-broken nose? I'm a moron. I showed Christelle Katie Trevor and Ben SHOOT THE TUBE also. haha We were on a dumpster lid going down. Two people were trying to walk up it at the same time and we took them out. HARD. Then we hear some one yell "OH SHIII*!" and we see a drunk guy running as fast as he can trying to get our of our way. He had two beers in his hands and we wrecked him pretty hard also. I just about died laughing that day.

I just hope i can take some chances this year.
Last year of high school needs to be epic. And i want to do as many crazy things as i can. Last night for example, we got a KFC bucket and filled it up with slurpee from 7-11 then had a contest to see who could drink it with out stopping for the longest time. My brain hurt the rest of the night. Is it possible to get a permanent brain freeze? I sure hope not.