There are two sides I see. Two main feelings I feel. Betrayal and Adoration. They are completely different. They do not "crash" or "collide". But I breathe them in more and more with each breath I take. Love is so different, unique, amazing. Not many people see love in the exact way as some one else might. It can mean anything to any one.
Love can be:
It has so many emotional meanings to it. but also, so many tricks, scams, and mistakes. So, why do we fall for it? The answer? to grow, to learn, to live. Love has left me in a situation where there is absolutely no room for tricks, scams, or mistakes. I am deeply hurt, yet wonderfully happy. I am confused, yet everything is so vividly clear. I am not willing to give in, yet I have already surrendered. I want to let go. I want to jump...so what am I waiting for? I suppose its fear. I feel the need for guidance at this point in my life. It is hard to trust the ones I don't already, and i feel like i don't trust enough people. Its hard for me to trust people. I don't know if I'll be able to hold my heart in two any longer. But no one knows. So I might as well jump. I can take a chance. But there are still 2 standing conflicts:
1- I am hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel like what I had to give, was just not enough. I felt as if everything was a long dream. But I was soon proven wrong. Love can be a deception when not used with care. Especially when it is taken for granted. You expect so much, but after all the constant smiles and laughter, I recieved so little. I only ask for honesty, realness, and respect. No more. Is that to much to ask for? Apparently it was.
2- I feel weak in the knees. My heart throbs uncontrollably. My lungs feel like they could burst. My smile never whithers away. My whole insides just feel like they could fly away. It is a feeling of perfection. A feeling of hope & faith. It's a feeling i'm not totally sure i have ever felt before. I have given, & recieved just as much...at times, more. I have a feeling of safeness..peace. I absolutley love this. Every second, every minute, and every hour of it. Life moves at the speed of the heart. I'm letting go of fear & uneasiness.