Monday, July 26, 2010

Promises.

"Promises mean everything when you're little and the world is so big."


I heard that in a song while I was driving home tonight. At first, I just though "Oh hey... That's pretty true." but as i kept driving, that line just kept replaying over and over in my head. Then i started thinking about how we all make so many promises, but how many of those do we actually keep? And do we realize how making or breaking them affects other people? I then started thinking about how I make promises to my little brother, Jarom, all the time. A lot of the time I don't keep them. The three biggest ones that i make to him constantly are 1: "You can come with me next time." 2: "You can call Dido another day" and 3: "I'll play with you when i'm done with this." And most of the time I don't keep them and he makes sure that I know he's upset and every time i feel really bad about it so i end up either giving him some kind of treat or taking him somewhere to play.

Then I started to think about all the promises people have made to me. Like most people, I only really remember the ones that were important in my eyes. The one person who has made tons of promises to me is Celeste. And she keeps every promise that she can to me. Like having a paint fight. Playing with the tube at southwood. Having an air soft war. Ect. And thinking about that made a realize even more how much promises mean to people. It's nice to know that when someone says they are going to do something, they actually do it.

As i got closer to home, I started thinking about how i feel when promises are made to me and then broken. I feel like my little brother. Sad, lonely, and let down. I get in a bad mood and just want to sit by myself and cry. I think if we all knew how important our promises are to people, we would try harder to keep them and try harder not to make ones that we can't keep. So then of course I started to think about the promises that have hurt me the most.

"We're going to hang out, cuz I love hanging out with you" What happened to that?

"I'll totally be your date tomorrow night. I'll be there at seven" You never showed.

"I'll call you tomorrow night and we will talk" Still haven't heard from you.

"This will be OUR summer!" If that's true, summer hasn't started yet.

"Just jump off the deck, I promise the trampoline isn't slippery" It WAS slippery. I fell off. It was hilarious but i swear i broke my tail bone.

All of those are in the past. But they still hurt. Except for my tailbone. Full recovery there, just damaged pride. There is one promise that is really on my mind lately though. When they found out my birthday was in a few months they promised that we would do something awesome. I haven't really done much since my 12th birthday. And this is the big 1-8. I know birthdays aren't a big deal, but the promise was. To me. I doubt it will happen but i can't help but wish on everything, that you'll pull through. I wish on 11:11. Rail road crossings. Eye lashes. Stars. And I pray. So now i sit here Monday morning at 1:58 a.m. wondering what is going to happen. My brain will not shut off now. My birthday is on saturday. July 31. I feel like if the promises doesn't pull through, nothing will seem as great as it could be. It's so dumb too because I know if it doesn't happen, part of it's my fault. But i'm tired of trying to take all the blame just so things will blow over. All i want for my birthday is for this one promise to pull through. (and maybe a bouncy house in my front yard...) I've been wondering for weeks what is going to happen. I'm guessing you have forgotten all about it. I wish my brain wasn't so intent on remembering everything you say to me. I'm so freaking tired at this point. I got home this afternoon from a camping trip with my Mom's side of the family. And I am so BEAT! So much sun and dirt and laughing and sunburns and more dirt. But ever since that song came on the radio my mind has been racing. I need an off switch. I feel like i could pass out right on my key board... usfuhdaufgouadef.
I know i think way to much. Over analyze EVERYTHING. Worry about EVERYTHING.
That's probably why the things that happen to me, happen.

1 comment:

Clestial said...

If that promise doesn't come through, I promise we'll do something awesome. :)