You'll Always Be My Best Friend

I wish I knew you
Way back when
Before you were part of my plans
I think that we would have been friends

There's only time to live our lives
And you'll be the one who's by my side
And I can promise you then
You'll always be my best friend

Till the end when we part
I will give you my heart
And I'll promise to love you with all that it is
And I'll promise to be there whenever you need me
Because you'll always be my best friend


I hate this feeling. This stupid feeling of loss, depression and hopelessness. I don't want to sit and constantly write about how sad i am, but it's all i can think about right now. Last Wednesday my friend Dylan texted me. he told me he was leaving for a tournament in Arizona that night and he might not be coming back. They had to win their games so they could earn a spot in nationals. (he's on a aaa hockey team)As soon as i read that text i felt sick. This guy has become my best friend. I've spent almost every day since September with him. And Wednesday might be the last time i ever see him because if they lose, they all go home. And he lives in Nashville. Over the past couple months i had been writing a letter that i would give him when he left. But i guess i never thought that he would actually leave. So i skipped my last two classes and sat in my car and finished writing him the letter. When i finished it i realized that over the past two months, i had written him a 7 page letter, double sided. I can't help but think that it's a bit over excessive but i don't know what else to do. This guy is my best friend. I love him. And he was leaving. I went over to his house after school and we just sat and watched tv for about an hour. But of course, i had to leave to go to the doctors, so it was time to say goodbye to, what if felt like, was the only person who really listened to me and liked me for me. He gave me one of his long hugs and i stood there fighting the urge to cry and wishing he'd never let go. But he did. and he told me to keep in touch and hugged me again. i got into my car and drove away. Then it really hit me. That what probably the last time i'd ever get to see him again. I started bawling. I swear i could just feel my heart drop and i felt sick. An hour later i got to the hospital and i was still crying but trying to control it. But by that time,my eyes were all red and swollen and it was pretty obvious that i had been crying. So naturally, everyone who talks to me asks me what is wrong which just makes me break down again. I really don't know how i made it through that day. I was a mess.

I've never really been on this side of losing a friend. I've always been the one that moves away. It's a lot easier when you're the one leaving and not being the one left. But i still had a little bit of hope. His team had an eight game winning streak. They could still pull through and win this tournament and get a spot to play in the nationals. They lost their first game but won the other two. So all they had to do was win their game on Sunday, and they'd have a spot in nationals and be able to come back to Utah for about two weeks or so. I spent so much of that week on my knees praying so hard that his team would win. I wished on everything. 11:11, train tracks, wishing wells, shooting stars, everything. I needed more time. The goodbye i gave wasn't good enough. I needed a better one. I just needed to see him again. But monday morning i find out they lost. 2-1. It's over. And he's gone. My best friend, the one i trusted with everything. He's going to home halfway across the country. And now i feel all alone. I told him he could read my letter now because he wasn't coming back. The letter started out by saying how much i loved him and how saying goodbye to him was going to be one of the hardest things i've ever done. I told him about my favorite times with him. All the dorky things he did that i loved. How he drove me crazy at times, but in the end i didn't care.

But now he's on his way home. And i'm stuck here wishing i had given a better goodbye. Wishing that by some freaking miracle i will get to see him again. But at this point, i think the only time i will ever see him again is when he's an amazing NHL goalie. And i'm scared that he will just forget about me and i'll just become a memory. It's crazy how much i miss the little things already. Like how every night he'd text me and say "Goodnight bff" and how he always knew how to cheer me up. I don't know what to do but i guess i'll figure it out eventually. I just miss him.