"Superman"

My dear friend Ashlee Malia is kind of a big deal. So, together we wrote this song on my guitar! It was written about someone specific, but now it can just be a song I guess...


"Superman"

I need you to rescue me
Because I am falling helplessly
Head over heels for you
I know I'm falling way too fast
But I hope these butterflies will last
I can't get enough of you

So catch me before I hit the ground
Because once I'm lost, I won't be found
You hold my heart in your hands
I'm begging you to understand
I need my superman

I hope that you're listening
Closely to the words I sing
Because they are meant for you
I'm praying that you'll be the one
Who rescues me when I've come undone
The only one I want is you

Oh my head spins and my knees go weak
Sometimes I can barley speak
You've got a hold on me
But it's your turn to close your eyes
And picture me under deep blue skies
And wish with all your heart I was yours

Please say you'll catch me before I hit the ground
Because once I'm lost, I won't be found
Don't break my heart, it's in your hands
Why is it so hard to understand
I need my superman
Why won't you be my superman

My Life Be Like: "Woah... Are You Serious Right Now?"

I"m going to start off by saying people are ridiculous. In good and bad ways.
Yep.

First of all: When you tell someone that you will let them know when you don't "like" them any more, make sure you do that. That way, they don't run around trying as hard as they can to make you happy and make themselves look like a complete fool. Don't tell them that you still have feelings for them, and then turn around and still treat them like you could care less if they fell off a cliff.
People bug.

Second: My friends are amazing. I know I say this a lot, but I can't get over it. They make everything worth dealing with. Laughing is one of my favorite things ever. So when i'm driving around in a car with my guys and they all start scream singing to "I Just Died In Your Arm Tonight" I can't breath because I am laughing so hard. Those are the kinds of night that I never want to end.

Third: Even if you make me mad and treat me like crap, I am still going to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you with respect. I won't treat you the way you treat me, so how about you change something? I don't really hold grudges, so if you would just stop acting like you are above everyone and come down to our level, I would be more than happy to just be friends. But that involves your head to deflate a bit. Seriously.

Fourth: I love my family. They make me laugh. Especially my little brother. I love how when someone hurts me, my aunt's first comment is "I know people in the Mafia. Just give me a call" I love how they will help me pin sheets over all the doorways in the living room so we can have a giant fort. Ans instead of making fun of me for acting like I'm five, they play along with me.

Fifth: I wish I could go back and erase you from my memories. That way I could be happy all the time and quite looking back. If you keep acting like this, I will eventually just walk away. But hey, I guess that's how we learn our lessons. And I have learned a HUGE one. So maybe I should say thank you. :) Please, treat her better than you treated me. She deserves it.

It's raining right now... that makes me happy.

Jealous Cougar Fool

My dear friend Peter Woods, (He's kind of a big deal), showed me this. I love it. Plus, it mentions Jordan Wynn. And everyone knows I'm basically in love with him...

Sometimes...You Can't Help But Love Things

Today has been a one of those days where my mind wont shut off. The subject? Things I love. So, I guess I will write a list of things that I love and why...

#1 Those long "I like you" hugs. You know, the kind of hug that you give to the person you like. You go to give them a hug, but neither one of you wants to let go so you just stand there and feel special.

Last night we drove over to Nicole's house and her brother was on their drive way giving a girl one of those hugs. Made me realize how much i love and miss those kinds of hugs.

#2 Daisies.

I'm not sure why. I just love them. Give me some, and my heart melts.

#3 Talking to someone on the phone just because they like talking to you. Doesn't matter what you talk about. You just like the sound of each others voice.

#4 Answering/asking people to dances. I like to be funny and I have so many ideas that I didn't get to use. So if anyone needs some help, i'm here for ya!

This girl, Brooke, got her boyfriend to do something stupid at a blowup play ground. So security walked over and took him in the back room and yelled at him. Right in the middle of the lecture they yelled "By the way, she says yes!" and then walked out. Brooke, you're so freaking cool.

#5 The sound of violins <3

#6 Softball/Baseball games. Doesn't matter if I'm playing or watching. It's a pure love right there. I remember my first year i played softball. I was so scared to get hurt. Now, it's just a natural thing.

#7 I'm not going to lie... I love smiley faces in text messages. Reassures me that you like me. And that you're happy to talk to me.

#8 Pineapple. I can't really explain it. But give me pineapple and I'm your friend forever. I makes me super happy and kind of hyper. It's just a great thing to have.

#9 Not having a job, but having money. Yeah, yeah. I know. Who doesn't like this? But hey, I can dream.

#10 PIGGY BACK RIDES. Yeah, that's kinda weird I guess. But it's just one of those random things that makes me really happy. For example...If i like a boy, that's great. But if that boy gives me a piggy back ride, Oh man. He's golden. Maybe I like them so much because they make me feel small, light, and safe. But I don't really know haha.

Again With the Thinking of My Brain...

I've been thinking lately... Is it better to wear your heart on your sleeves, or should you hold back and wait to see what happens. Only letting a little out at a time? I'm not one to really put my feelings out there. I feel like if i do, i'd scare people away. But I got an email from a friend the other day. They told me a few things that made me think...

#1: If you need and answer, ask a question. You deserve to know what's going on in any situation.

#2: Don't let your self be left in the dark. Let people know that you're not going to sit around and wait for them to take action.

#3: Don't settle for any less than you deserve. You're completely unique, and that makes you amazing. There's only a handful of people in the world that deserve your attention, so give it wisely.

#4: Don't be so shy. People love you when they know you. So how can anyone get to know you if you hold back?

#5: Be yourself at all times. Like I said, you are unique, which makes you amazing. You shine like no one else, so let everyone see it.

So maybe i need to be a bit more forward at times. Which could be a huge challenge because i'm not forward at all. I'm shy, quiet and sarcastic. Which is actually a dangerous mix i've realized, because some people can't tell when i'm joking... So I think there is a good balance of wearing your heart on your sleeves and holding back. What do you think? I think letting people know how you feel is a great thing to do. But don't be creepy. Cuz once you cross the creepy line, there really isn't a point of return.

So i guess my goal for the week is to be more forward. Let's see if i can handle it.

The Things That Make My Heart Race

I'm gonna start off with a short list of things that make my heart race. Either from happiness, excitement, or fear. Either way, they get my heart going.

1. Getting a letter in the mail (Happy, Excited)
2. Being in a place where i'm totally out of my element (Excitement, Fear)
3. Ryan (Happiness, Fear, Excitement)
4. The thought of being a Life Flight paramedic (Excitement, Happiness beyond words)
5. The idea of me getting married (Fear, Excitement)

This week has been one that has made my heart basically feel like it is going to jump right out of my chest. On Monday, i started my new job up at the bookstore. I shouldn't have been scared because I know a lot of the people there. My Dad is one of the managers. I know how to work everything. But on my way to my first day i was terrified. First off because i knew that i was going to have to talk to people that i didn't know. Not one of my strong points. People scare me. And second, because i have to ride trax to and from work. People always end up talking to me no matter what i do and every once and a while, a random guy will hit on me. Coming home one day on trax, a guy looked at me and said "don't take this the wrong way, but you're gorgeous" So yeah that was nice of him so i smiled and said thanks and then just stared at my feet. So awkward. Finally a seat opens up and i sat down. Other guy leans over and says " Is he bothering you?" I tell him no , not any more. So he replies "Okay cuz if he was just tell me and i would take care of it." Thanks dude. One morning as i got off the train a guy almost knocked me out with his backpack. He said sorry and i assumed that would be the end of talking to him. But then he starts talking to me and asking me about myself. He was super nice and walked with me all the way to the bookstore and then when i had to go he realized he was in the opposite end of where he should be. (I'm gonna say something and no one is allowed to comment on it) I don't understand why these things happen. While at work i got asked for my number a few times, and other stuff like saying my name was pretty and that i have the prettiest eyes they have ever seen. Look, I know myself. I know what i look like. I'm nothing out of the ordinary or special. I'm even that good looking so why do people gotta creep on me? But anyways, I'm not so scared of work any more. I know more of what i'm doing and everyone knows me. The 9 hours days are just killing me now.

Oh man...Ryan. This guy scares the crap out of me. (for those of you who don't know, Ryan is the boy I like) I can't read him at all. This frustrates me. The first time he held my hand, my stomach was going crazy. While we were walking around the park talking, I felt like i might fly away. When i was in Idaho and we would text constantly, I couldn't believe someone was this awesome. When he kissed me..oh my heck. If people could spontaneously com bust, i would have. He is just like me. He is super sweet. He's proven to me that chivalry is not dead. He opens all my doors. When we were walking in the park, he makes me move so i'm not walking on the side next to the road. He won't ever let me pay. (It kills me) This all makes me super happy and such, but i'm also scared of him. The way he talks to me over text has changed. It went from flirting all the time, trying to make me smile all the time, smiley faces, laughing, making me feel special. And then actually calling me on the phone to talk to me. *sigh* But now it's totally different. I don't know what changed or if i did anything. He assured me a little while ago that he still REALLY liked me. So that set my mind at ease for a while...but i'm still scared. I don't want this to end up like every other time. I think i have a defect that makes me screw these things up.

Today at work, I saw the two coolest women ever. They were just going through the line to buy stuff just like everyone else there. But these women were from Life Flight. They had their Life Flight uniforms on and oh man. My heart stopped. I want that to be me!

Then while i was riding home on the bus with my Dad, there was a big accident on 5300 south. The first thing i saw was two paramedics holding a little girls hand and leading her over to the ambulance. Then i saw another one putting bandages on someones head in the back of the ambulance. Oh man gosh. I NEED that to be me. I want to be out there, helping people who are hurt. Driving around until i'm needed. I don't know why this kind of job is so appealing to me but i know that if i don't go and try to be a paramedic or a LF paramedic, i will never forgive my self.

I got two letters in the mail this week. One from my friend Jared and another from my friend Paul. Jared is still in the MTC but Paul is in Australia. I love my missionaries. They are so bomb i can't even explain it.

The other day my Mom said something that i couldn't decide if i was angry about or if i was scared of. She said she was worried that since i have never really dated much or ever had a boyfriend that the first boy that asks me out or asks me to marry him, i'll jump into it without even thinking if it's right for me. What the heck Mom?! I may get twitter patted easily and want to feel like someone really cares about me, but trust me. I will not be getting married any time soon. Sheesh. I can barley handle the concept of moving out into my own place. Let alone get married. Yikes!

Well my heart is racing just thinking about everything right now. I think i accidentally made Ryan mad just now... My phone broke so right now i'm using my old crappy one and it doesn't always send my messages. So he thought i was ignoring his question. Awesome. And then his phone died. I love my life. I hate making people mad. Especially when I don't mean to and they just misunderstood me. Gah. Plus not knowing what he thinks of me at this point sucks. What happened to the old fun, cute, flirty, silly Ryan? uhhg. I hate how things always change on me and throw me for a loop...

Bodacious.

Vacations are the bomb. Especially when you go with the two funniest people ever to step foot on this earth. Sara Pickett and Reed Charles just about had me dying from laughing every day.
We drove up to Island Park (up in Idaho)to spend the weekend with his grandparents at their cabin. Holy cow this cabin was amazing! So pretty too. It had two levels and an awesome loft. Every morning we wake up to cookies and a big breakfast. His grandparents are some of the most sarcastic, funny old people i have ever met. So super nice too. The first day we went four wheeling. I'm basically pro at four wheeling, i just like to look at whats around me when i ride so Sara thinks i go too slow even though i'm doing 25mph+ the whole time.
The second day we went up to Yellowstone. I had never been there so they figured they would take me on an adventure. Woot. We got stuck in traffic for about 45 mins. after getting into the park. There wasn't much to do to keep ourselves entertained since there were no animals around so Reed decided to bark at the people who walked past the car. He also pulled out his camera and when someone would walk by he'd scream "Wildlife!" and take a picture of them. I love getting confused looks from people that think we are freaks. We saw some cool geysers and of course took a trip to see Old Faithful. It was of course...faithful. While we were on our way out of the park, we saw a buffalo. Only freaking animal we saw the whole time besides a squirrel.
That night we drove to Idaho Falls because his grandparents were going home and we were gonna stay at their house for our last night. Of course, I get the bedroom int he basement that is covered in pink and has a nice creepy rag doll sitting on the bed. *major shuddering* So when Sara went upstairs i grabbed the doll and put it on her bed. When she finally went into her room to change, she shut the door. I hear an "Ahhhh!" and then i see the door shaking. The door was stuck and she couldn't get it open. So of course i'm on the floor laughing so hard that i can't breath. Ah, good times. So when we all finally went to bed i waited about ten minutes and then decided to text Sara and say "Creepy doll girl is sitting under your bed. Waiting for you to fall asleep" So the next thing i know, Sara runs into my room and jumps into my bed. Yep, i just got a roommate for the night hahaha. I think maybe i should have been nicer to her though. I woke up the next morning when she started beating me over the head with the doll...It wasn't a soft doll. And when i didn't get out of bed for that, she has Ryan give me a "wake up call". I guess that's one way to get me awake. Good morning, my friend is an abusive genius. To say the least.
Now me and Sara are talking about moving out and going to live in a condo on the East side of Murray. That would become the party house for sure. And hopefully over labor day weekend we will be adventuring in Carlsbad, California. Then i can go to the beach and mark another thing off my bucket list!!
Speaking of the bucket list...Here's an update:

-Soap up the three fountains

-Go on a date to Lagoon (always thought that would be the funnest date)

-Get a kiss in the rain (not just any random kiss. a meaningful one)

-Go skydiving

-Visit (bodacious!) Brad in Arizona He's over in utah now for college so this aint gonna happen. FAIL

-Go to LAKE POWELL!

-Read the Book of Mormon all the way through again

-See the ocean

-Walk on the beach in the moonlight

-Have a "paint my house" party

-Work and save up my money

-Be nicer to my sisters and brother believe it or not, i'm a lot nicer than i used to be. WIN

-Appreciate my parents more Definitely a WIN

-Play for All Stars Didn't make the team. FAIL

-Go on a date to temple square

-Make a few awesome music videos

-Learn to do some legit tricks on the trampoline like Joseph and his brother

-Have the biggest bonfire EVER Thanks to Celeste, Dave, Benny and Kyle and lots of other random people. Had it on my birthday! It rocked. WIN

-Go boating. Possibly try water skiing, but for sure go tubing.

-Go camping A LOT. Trek, Girls Camp. Family trip, Idaho cabin and soon the sand dunes! WIN

-Have a paint fight Epic. Celeste, Eric, Maddi, Jessica, and Mike helped with this one. WIN

-Hike like a maniac. (Hike a lot. Not act like a maniac while i hike.) Hiked every chance i got. Too bad my body doesn't want to let me breath. but still, a WIN

-Make a giant Works bomb Brett, Matt, Becky, Andrew, and Andrew helped with this one. It was amazing and a lot louder than expected. Not our smartest idea. But hilarious. WIN

-Actually do something for my birthday Movies with Sara, Dinner with Kelsey. Movie and brownies with Celeste and Madi. But sadly, I didn't get a bouncy house... WIN

-Hang out with my long lost friends found vis Facebook stalking

-Try not to eat ice cream! (decided that it's not gonna happen. I like shakes too much.) FAIL

-Air soft war with Sara Pickett, Celeste and whoever wants to get killed by us